Best Of Whitney Cummings: Mouthy

By Comedy Editor

November 20, 2023

2 Minute Read

After throwing two instant-classic comedy roasts on OFTV, the iconic Whitney Cummings has returned to drop her most fearless and unfiltered standup special yet. Pregnant, out of breath, and all out of f***s to give, Whitney Cummings: Mouthy is an hour-long whirlwind of Whitney’s thoughts on pregnancy and motherhood, gender politics, journalism, crypto, and just about anything else you can think of. If you haven’t watched it yet, be sure to check it out… then come back here to relive the most hilarious moments.

Warning: spoilers ahead.


Whitney kicked off the night by addressing her pregnancy, and all the sacrifices she’s had to make during it.

“No one told me that when you get pregnant you can’t do my two favorite things, which is smoke weed and get Botox.”

Apparently Whitney’s been using Botox to help her look interested in her dates’ stories.

“Please tell me more about how, on your ayahuasca journey, your shaman told you you should be polyamorous. Sick!”

Beg Your Partum?

“Women talk about their vaginas after childbirth the way people talk about damage to buildings after a hurricane.”

Somehow, Whitney’s figured out a way to avoid the dreaded postpartum depression… Pre-partum depression.

And while she’s definitely not a doctor, Whitney may just be a detective after getting to the bottom of the cause of postpartum depression. To her, the answer is obvious:

“By both of your holes becoming one hole and then a tiny vampire gnawing on your tits until it looks like you got shot in the chest. And then you start balding and none of your cool friends will talk to you.”

Gender Revelations

One of Whitney’s biggest Mouthy reveals is that she’s going to be a “BoyMom” (she’s expecting a son). But don’t expect her to throw a gender reveal party.

In fact, Whitney is done with the entire gender reveal party trend. And that’s because she thinks they’re just another out-of-touch invention of rich people.

“When you grow up poor, you’re whatever gender your older sibling was.”

And what hand-me-downs was Whitney rocking as a kid?

“I wore a hockey jersey to school until I was 12. I identified as a goalie.”

Monogamy vs. Invisible Money

Dating in L.A. has long been one of Whitney’s biggest pet peeves. In a town filled with image-obsessed narcissists who build their personalities around “the newest thing”, finding a nice normal guy is an uphill battle.

Whitney has definitely spent a lot of first dates pretending to be interested in crypto, with the help of Botox, of course. But that got her thinking about the suspicious timing of the rise of this new “invisible money”.

“Did no one find the timing of crypto to be a little shady? … As soon as women started making money, you guys were like ‘Ah, money’s over.’”

Detective Whitney strikes again.

Astrology for Men

Why is it that men are so easily tricked into believing in imaginary things, like fantasy football, invisible money, and “ethical non-monogamy”?

Whitney’s theory: crypto is just astrology for men.

“It’s like my Ethereum coin is in retrograde.”

And as long as Whitney dates guys in L.A., she’ll have to keep pretending to be interested in the blockchain.

But the real question is, will any of these crypto entrepreneur suitors pick up the check, or should Whitney bring her purse?

Our guess? Whitney should bring her purse.    

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